battered_one's Xanga

forbidden love

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 02:56:12 GMT

Now I can tell you

About Success, About Fame

About the Rise and the Fall

About all the Stars in the Sky

Today I saw the wonderful traveling production of the musical Hairspray, and it was wonderful. I want to download the musical's soundtrack, and I want to hug it and squeeze it to death. I fell in love with the quirky little Tracy and the adorably awkward Penny, and the love struck Link who finally heard the bells. So far it has been my favorite production that I've seen at Juanita K., and it was a great time to get out of the house for a while for the first time in about 7 days. Oh yeah, did you hear the news? Apparently this was this ice storm that knocked out my power for ten days (so far). My parents, brother, and I are camped out at my uncle's house out in Nixa and there's really little to nothing to do, well, besides occassionally getting on myspace and icon hunting. I slowly getting up there in the ranks of icon greatness, and I'm up to probably around 2,000 icons by now. It's a great pastime, and I can sit there for hours looking over various livejournals and xangas for quirky, witty, cute, insightful, pretty, and interesting icons to put in my photobucket. I've decided that after all this power debacle is over I'm going to back up my icon collection on a few CDs and make sure that I have hard copies of all of my icons.

Life gets pretty tedious when you sit alone for hours. I am enjoying my bit of solitude and I've been listening to my iPod practically non-stop. I listen to the music and I drift off into another ralm in my mind, and I completely and totally relax inside of myself. The world around me melts away, and I just can simply break. I know most people think that dance/techno/electronica/trance/happyxhardcore/europop is nothing but disjointed beats, but I find myself falling into the old beats of Donna Sommer into the deep, deep realm of Daft Punk's Human After All album. I can listen to it for hours, and it's a great way to escape from the boredom of my seemingly pathetic days. I re-read the first three Harry Potter books during this time, and I will be picking up Book 4 when we go back to the house tomorrow to grab some more clothing for school, assuming we still don't have power on Tuesday and my Mother and I have to drive from Nixa to Hillcrest. It'll be the biggest pain ever, and I can't wait to walk into school on Tuesday and have to prepare for my finals after this terrible week.

Alex and I were suppoused to hang out this weekend, but that didn't happen, so I've basically had to lie around and talk to him on the phone all day for the entire time that I've been here. There's no real interaction with my extended family at all, my uncle does his business, my cousin Colin who is absolutely obsessed with World of Warcraft (age 13), and my cousin Brittney who just does her own thing. I just want to go home. Someone save me.

P.S. Nothing really new in the Harry Potter world - JKR second richest woman in entertainment. Whateva.

of you.

Tue, 09 Jan 2007 02:38:44 GMT

Everything's changing
But you're the truth
I'm amazed by all your patience
Everything I put you through

I'm more in love than ever, and it's an increddible feeling. I'm addicted to my new icon site yourownxxicons, and it's a ton of fun.The school year's half over. Where on Earth did High School go?

P.S. To Florence I go. We weren't able to go to Montreux on our Spring Break trip, so we are teaming up with Parkview and going to Florence instead. I'm hella excited.

To the max

Fri, 15 Dec 2006 19:04:16 GMT

You can see me, you can't squeeze me 
I ain't easy, I ain't sleazy 
I got reasons why I tease 'em 
Boys just come and go like seasons

Oh, Xanga. It's been so long. I haven't written in you for forever! Oh well, not much has been happening. HTV has made me be extremely busy, and keeping up with Alex's constant drama has been slightly less than stressful. Thanksgiving was relaxing, and I have all of my Christmas shopping done right now. Alex loved his gifts and so did the rest of his family, and Alex, that idiot, bought me a Coach purse for Christmas. His family right now is New York City, and I'm really excited about the ski trip that I will be going on extremely soon with my church. Dayla and I will be having a fabulous time (probably) not skiing at all, and I've never seen the mountains at winter time. I've always loved the mountains, and I can only imagine how much more beautiful they are covered with snow.

Another huge thing that has happened recently in my life is that last week I wrote a check for the entire amount of my trip to Europe. $2,452. I got back my statement from TSA Tours, and I owe them $0.00. I honestly had never felt so accomplished in my life. All the afternoons and the smelly french fries and the disgusting scrubbing of fry machines really paid off, and I'm so proud of myself for making a goal and accomplishing it. I spent around $225 on Christmas gifts for everyone this year, and with all that money being spent, I have over $700 in my bank account right now for spending money in Europe, and I have around $200 in savings bonds, and I haven't even gotten all the money I'm getting for Christmas yet.

My Dad and I are going digital camera shopping next week, and I'm excited. It'll be fabulous. I'm looking at a CAnon Powershot or a Sony Cybershot right now. Who knows what will happen. STN is creeping closer, and March is going to be probably the best four weeks of my life.

Wish me luck.

do you want macaroni?

Thu, 23 Nov 2006 02:19:39 GMT

Listen to me now
I need to let 
you know
You don't have to go it alone

Well, today was relatively uneventful. Not. I woke up and went to school, and, what do you know? 5th Block rolls around and my Mom whispers to me that Kyle, Jesse, and Katie Foster are in the office. I proceed to follow them around from class to class, taken completely by surprise by the trio, and am slightly bewildered. I leave as soon as school gets out, and I decide to go home and grab some lunch, and I call up the fabulous and ever-wonderful D-Zilla. I drive over to her house and watch her make French Toast, and discuss the latest in both of our lives. She laughs and makes some great jokes, and then we go and pick up Jeremy&A.J. I almost kill all of us on National, and then we drive back to Delana's house, eat some French Toast, and A.J. leaves to go hang out with his ex-girlfriend/current datee or whatever.

Then, we talk for a bit and decide to go to Janessa's house for a bit. I thought we were just going to hang out there for 15-20 minutes, but then...Janessa broke out the Guitar Hero. Oh my Gosh. I have never quite played such a game as this! It was fun and rocking and I actually was doing okay at it, and it was only my first time playing. You get addicted to it really easily, and I spent easily an hour just playing with Janessa&Jeremy, gossiping and reminiscing. Then, I took Jeremy home and jammed to some U2. It was loads of fun, and I guess I had forgotten how easily it was to just hang out: call somebody. Will start doing more often, most definitely.

Madonna's Confession Tour on NBC was spectacular tonight, and I'm hella excited about seeing Alex tomorrow and his family. I've made brownies for the occasion! Yum, brownies.

you'll remember, right?

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 22:24:32 GMT

you change me
or re-arrange me
force the time, baby can't you see?
that you can't change me?

Originally written: December 28, '05

I was thinking the other day about all of my obsessions, and it occured to me...I love 'evil', bad, tormented things. Just look.

My Fandoms
- Metallica
- Draco Malfoy
- Slytherins [in general]
- Vampires [The Vampire Chronicles in particular]

I love things that aren't accepted by the general public as things to be obsessed with. Metallica is generally a band that by the conservative public as a band to stay away from, and is vastly misunderstood by the musical community (we're talking post-St. Anger here). Metallica has always been there for me musically, and some of the songs make me cry simply because of how much I can relate to James and his experiences. I love the guitar riffs, I love the take it or fuck it attitude that these boys have been portraying for over 2 decades, and honestly...with the emo-hardxcore-scene that's consumed our culture as of late, Metallica isn't a popular band anymore. But I've been a fan, loyal and true, to these boys, and will never stop loving them.

Draco Malfoy is just a bad boy. He's so misunderstood, and is driven to actions that you wouldn't even imagine a boy at his age to be able to comprehend, let alone accomplish. We saw that in Half-Blood Prince he took upon his own being to save his family and his mother, and put himself in grave danger to save the Malfoy name. Draco is powerful, arrogant, and ambitious to a tee, and that to me...is sexy as hell. He's so...mystifying to me, and I can only imagine what it would be like to have sex with such a powerful man. Yes, I am fantasizing about a man in fiction, but when have we all not done that? We find things that aren't real, and we glorify them to a status of reality. This makes them more identifiable. But Draco is the epitome of arrogance in the Harry Potter series, and that arrogance draws me into his character.

The obsession with Draco Malfoy goes along with my general obsession of Slytherins. It's not because I'm hardxcore or goth or whatever, it's because I believe that I identify the most with this group of individuals. I am a person am a liar, a manipulator, extremely judgemental, and extremely close-minded. These qualities are the trademark of the Slytherin house, and the people in it just fascinate me. My favorite Harry Potter character has to be Pansy Parkinson, because she's that bitch that everyone hates but loves at the same time. She is who she is, she makes no appologies, and is loyal to her friends, if that's what you would call them. They all only care about themselves, and friendship is extremely limited. I would find myself in this house. Bob would probably be a Ravenclaw...

Then, the same thing goes with Vampires. I know for most of you, this is going to be far too much information, but I have such a dominatrix side of me. I love biting/being bite, and it does something to me. The characters in the Vampire Chronicles identify with me so much, their epic struggles of finding who they are with all of their time. They have eternity to wander the Earth, but then they don't know who they are. The loneliness of their exsistance drives them to madness, and that madness is my fandom. I read, and re-read the books over and over again, trying to figure out who these creatures of the night are, but I can't. Anne Rice writes in a way that you know only as much as they do, and the characters are seemingly holding your hand as they escort you through their lives. When you read the books, you are a vampire, looking in on a world that isn't your own. The ultimate escape.

Is there something wrong with being obsessed with commonly described as 'evil' or 'dark' things?

you have to go soon, right?

Thu, 09 Nov 2006 02:33:10 GMT

People are people, so why should it be 
You and I should get along so awfully 
People are people, so why should it be 
You and I should get along so awfully?

I know that I haven't blogged in forever, but there's a reason for it. Spooktacular was crazy, and I've just been really, really busy for the past few weeks. HTV is going well, and I made all A's first quarter. I got to see my boyfriend on Saturday last week, and my internet has finally been fixed. But, seeing the over-whelming response to my last post, I just feel awful about not blogging since all of you read this. I really feel like I've disappointed all of my fans.

In other news, Democrats freaking took back the House and we sent Good Ol' Clair to the Senate, and we got the stem cell research iniative passed. I didn't really have a lot to do with the election this year, but I did stay up for a while and watched Jim Talent's lead slowly get smaller and smaller. Minimum wage increase made me smile, and I was extremely excited about the amount of support that I saw today at school for the democratic side. It's always interesting seeing who's for the winners, and who's supporting the team all the time.

Kevin Federline and Britney Spears are getting a divorce. Haha! It's so pathetic of celebrities when they are so desperate to be noticed that they try to get publicity on Election Day. Losers, for real. But how are their children going to react to the break up? Poor little darlings and their little parents. But whatever, I don't know why I'm even mentioning celebrities in my xanga. I'm just silly like that.

Tomorrow's my birthday. 17. Woohoo. I'm going to go see Marie Antoinette with D-Zilla. I'm excited. Like hella.

call me when you get done...

Thu, 26 Oct 2006 02:58:19 GMT

You’re waking up
A part of me I’ve never known
And I’ve never felt
So invincible

Working while going to school officially sucks. I hate it, but I need the money before I go unemployed. OH NOES! My birthday's on November 9th, you all should buy me a present. Alex is going to buy me something. And hopefully my parents will too. But the rest of my family is giving me cash. So, since you all are my bestest bestest friends in da whole wide world (yep), you should buy me something. If you're interested in my address, sorry, you can't have it, 'cause that's creepy.

But you should totally buy me something.

I love not caring about drama anymore. It's so...liberating. Oh, and the best present I've recieved so far for my birthday was one to myself. All of Justin Timberlake's music videos. Mmmmm. It's like...peanut butter and oreos without the fat and with the sex pack and hot dancing. All girls should have it, really. Tomorrow's going to be an unproductive day. Group pictures with Mr. Cogell. Yum. All day with Cara and Cody! Woot!

I love you.

Wed, 18 Oct 2006 00:51:01 GMT

It's not what you think
If you're thinking of love
Like falling from grace
I could do that

...and I'll be waiting all day

I saw my darling on Saturday, and we had a marvelous time. I miss him so much sometimes, but at least we get to see eachother on a semi-regular basis. It's nice to have a boy that I can trust for once.

Ryan and I have started talking again, and it's quite interesting to see how people can mature drastically in two months. Maybe getting some space between he and myself made us grow up a little. I think I'm not as whiny as I used to be, but who knows? I certainly don't. I just want friends, and Ryan seems to have the same longing. I think I'm starting to make friends with some individuals at school slowly, and I need to re-develop a social life. Far, far away from kids that listen to Bright Eyes and where black on a regular basis.

Spooktacular starts on Friday, and I'm hella excited. I got a witch's hat and spider earrings, and we're going to wear t-shirts and have a dandy time. I love who I am and how much fun I'm having this year, and trips are approaching right around the corner. Paris is creeping closer and closer...and I just can't wait. I haven't gotten in trouble in forever, and my parents and I are on very good terms. We're both getting more used to eachother, and I'm just relaxing. Growing up is becoming more enjoyable on an individual basis, and school is getting more aggravating.

I started talking to Him again. We'll see what happens. Alex hates it, and I'll see how I handle it.

Work on your homework, Lauren.

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 22:02:08 GMT

I don't get you
I can't forget what you've forgotten
all along
I've never been so alone

Charles and I's HTV story bit the dust, and it was a little bit of a surprise. I really thought that our poetry slam was going to work out, but we threw together a story at the last second and I think it's going to work. We're doing a profile on the recent success of the band, and as fate would have it, the Band won fourth over-all at their big competetion over the weekend. I'm proud of the band and am glad to see that group actually blossom, and their teacher seems to love what he does. There's a lot of passion for that little cult, and they're all great people. Band is something that I guess you either love or just don't know anything about, and I'm hoping to open the door to show a lot of people what the band is behind the scenes.

Right now I'm suppoused to be writing a paper about Delphi, Greece and how it helped shape the Greek identity in the ancient times, but I really don't want to. I hate this paper. It really doesn't have any kind of creative freedom; get the information, chuck it into three pages, and have a good introductory and closing paragraph. No offense to Mr. George, but that's all basically you have to do to get full credit in that class on any paper. Ms. Jordan is requiring that I write a descriptive essay, and I've chosen to write mine about myspace. I'm really interested in seeing where my creative process takes me with the paper, but I love the subject idea and I think it'll stick out amongst the 'I went to the ocean and it was pretty' essays. I hate how teenagers generally can't write. Is it just me, or is their an epidemic of horrible grammar running amuck in our culture?

My JII stories are due on Friday, and I'm a little nervous about the reactions to my school shooting story. It's an opinion piece, and apparently today Matt Blunt (the governor, if you didn't know) introduced the idea of Missouri teachers be able to carry firearms while they are in the classroom. Is it just me, or is that just ridiculous? I don't want any guns on school grounds period, but since all the school violence started in 1998, it's just a matter of time before Missouri gets just as ridiculous as inner-city schools, with metal detectors and security checks. But could you imagine Ms. Thompson with a gun? The image is amusing, but scary at the same time. Someone could really easily over-power a teacher like that, and I don't think I could rest easy with Mr. Wadsworth having a gun, either.

Fear has the capability of driving the sanest person mad. -Socrates

Oh, and NEW layout. You should check it out.

How are my babies doing?

Thu, 05 Oct 2006 21:36:45 GMT

Love me or hate me
I don't care and I'm aware
I live my life so beautiful
Is that good enough for you?

Sorry for the lack of updates, I'm super involved and extremely busy. Well, not that involved, but you know what I mean. The past week has been a lot of ups and downs, I got an A- on my first Comp paper. It was nice, but she tore my paper to shreds punctuation wise. I was under the impression I was a good writer, and she just ripped it to pieces. She remarked on my ability to have voice and a tone, but apparently I'm not grammatically where I should be to be considered an 'above average' high school writer. Oh well, I'll improve.

HTV and JII are going well. I'm enjoying them both immensely, and tonight Charles and I are going on a shoot at Barnes & Noble for the Poetry Slam. I'm excited about that, and plan on doing better this time audio wise. I was an idiot, but I'll do better this time. You just don't forget those kind of mistakes. In JII I'm trying to buck up and deal with everyone basically being complete morons, but they're all nice people, with the exception of one bushy-haired bimbo. I'll smile, and if I can bear it by the end of the year, I'd love to be Editor-in-Chief of the Newspaper. I think I could excel at it, and I at least know how to write, unlike the past few.

I've got a lot of things off my chest lately, and I'm feeling a lot better emotionally. I miss my boyfriend, I miss my friends, and I really miss my social life in general. I kind of have this life that revolves around various TV shows, Alex, and not eating cookies. I just spend all day at school, come home, call Alex, and then watch TV/do homework for the rest of the evening. I can only imagine how dull my life is going to be when I don't have a job anymore. Free Saturdays and Sundays with the Bishops, ugh. It'll be boring, but I'll help out around the house and at least contribute to my family in a small way.

On a happier note, I have almost $3,000 for Paris, and it'll be great. I also have a new blog, but it's less-personal-more-professional-ish. Check it out.